Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Five Interesting animals I want to see in Scribblenauts

Scribblenauts is bound to have a ton of really awesome creatures in it. We obviously can expect common animals, and even some uncommon guys (such as ligers) have been making their appearances. Thankfully, there are no small amount of really cool or interesting animals out there, so I decided to make a list of the top 5 interesting animals I want to see in Scribblenauts. I don't exactly EXPECT them to be in, but a man can hope!

Especially with animals like this...

5. Pistol Shrimp

These guys are nuts. Absolutely nuts. And if anything, it proves nature is just as batshit crazy for allowing these guys to live.

A pistol shrimp, also known as an Alpheidae, is a shrimp with a claw-like appendage on one of its arms. When it spots its prey it "cocks" the claw and then clamps it shut quickly. By doing this underwater it sends out a god damn sonic wave that create bubbles that, upon collapsing, momentarily reaches temperatures hotter than that of the sun.

Its prey, now stunned and perhaps slightly cooked, is dragged off to be eaten.

Their role in Scribblenauts? Sonic booming anyone who dares enter the water. Remember that level where you have to refresh the man? What's more refreshing than a tall glass of water with a pistol shrimp in it?

Oh, did I say refreshing? I meant to say terrifying

4. Sun Bear

I'm including this little guy for the absurdity of it all. Despite being popular for stuffed animal mascots, bears are huge tanks that can kill you with the sheer weight of their steady gaze. Which is why it's funny when you think about this little guy, the smallest family of bear.

It's extra funny when this guy does a 180 with his head to bite anyone daring enough to pet him.

Despite their size these guys are vicious and have virtually no natural enemies due to the fact they're busy just fucking everyone's shit up. Just like any other bear, really. The main reason I added them to the list, aside from their badass fur markings, is that they pack all the violence and power of a bear in a smaller, neater package. And that's pretty damn cool.

Their role in Scribblenauts? Probably similar to their role in real life...tricking humans into thinking they're cute and cuddly then ripping their throats out with their giant teeth.

3. Immortal Jellyfish, aka Turritopsis nutricula

To many, "jellyfish" might as well mean "pain". And "Immortal" means "infinite". Put together, these guys are "infinite pain", and that's pretty damn awesome. In reality these guys aren't REALLY immortal. They can die if something kills it. But left on their own they are, technically, immortal.

How so? Well, most jellyfish die after laying their eggs. Not these guys. Instead, they revert back to sexual immaturity, more or less cheating death by becoming kids again. They then mature (again) and lay their eggs (again) and repeat until...well...forever. Biologically they cannot die.

If you've ever wondered about the possibility of being invaded by creatures of the sea, "immortal jellyfish" make it sound a lot more plausible.

Their role in Scribblenauts? In some interview awhile back Jeremiah mentioned a bug in which two rabbits would mate indefinitely, crashing the game. Of course that's silly, as rabbits eventually age and die, and obviously could never just reproduce like that, continuously doubling their population every time, creating an invincible army the likes the world has never seen. I mean to do that, they'd have to be immor-OH MY GOD

2. Flying Squirrels

Betcha didn't think something as mundane as a flying squirrel would make the list, eh? Well, I got news for you guys. Flying squirrels are anything but mundane. Newsflash: Squirrels cannot fly, yet flying squirrels can. And that is incredible.

I'm not sure why I have so much respect for these rodents that try their best to defy gravity. It might be because they remind me of batman as they descend from the trees, only instead of stopping villains they...I don't fruit and nuts or something?

Their role in Scribblenauts? Now for the real reason I included them on the list: I bet it would be hilarious to watch Maxwell ride a flying squirrel. Make it happen, 5TH Cell.

1. Honey Badgers

Honey Badgers are fucking insane and badass. Let's just get that out right now. You might have a hard time thinking a badger is badass, but wait until you meet this guy.

His diet? Beehives, scorpions, porcupines, and crocodiles. Seriously. But perhaps most amazing of all is that they're well known for their taste of venomous snakes. Yep, these guys are so incredibly awesome they eat snakes that could kill a grown man. What happens if they're bit? Well...

In a 2002 National Geographic documentary titled "Snake killers: Honey badgers of the Kalahari", a badger named Kleinman was documented stealing a meal out of a puff adder's mouth and casually eating the meal in front of the hissing snake. After the meal, Kleinman began to hunt the puff adder, the species being one of the badger's preferred venomous snakes. He managed to kill the snake and began eating it, but then collapsed on the dead snake as he had been bitten during the struggle. After about two hours he surprisingly awoke. Once his paralysis had subsided, the badger continued with his meal and then resumed his journey.

Can you even believe that? No, of course not, it's insanity.

Their role in Scribblenauts? Professional badass and official snake eater. God vs. Cthulhu is lame and overused. But how about God vs. Honey badger? Nuke vs. Honey badger? Honey badger vs. Honey badger? We're talking literal weeks of entertainment answering these questions


  1. well just on the rabbit bit, they could infinitely reproduce because they're offspring could reproduce so 1. they will have more than two kids so they will make the population bigger than it originally was and 2. they will probably reproduce more than twice in their life.

    But one thing that occurred to me while thinking of what to comment, how is reproduction represented? i'm sure they probably won't hump or anything, but is it like Pokemon, where an egg just appears?

  2. I definitely want flying squrriels in the game. I think they'll probably be there.

  3. Reminds me of a article. Is that what you were shooting for, Sir P? If it was, you succeeded.

  4. I watched that documentary on the Honey Badgers! I fell in love with them after watching it. I remember when that Honey Badger 'died' I was all sad. THEN HE ROSE. Zombie Badger! They also go by the name 'Ratel' I wonder if that word will be in there?

  5. "Reminds me of a article. is that what you were shooting for, Sir P? if it was, you succeeded."

    Pretty much exactly what I thought.

  6. Awesome!I really hope flying squirrls are in! Honey badger might just spawn a badger,because the game isn't so good with adjectives. Although honey badger vs. Cthulu would be awesome!

  7. Yep, definitely mimicked the style of a Cracked article. Glad you guys caught it. Recently I've fallen into the, "Oh, I'll just check out ONE Cracked article..." trap. 3 hours later I realize I'm reading my 20th article

    Phew. Love that site.